I stepped on a scale at work again. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. It just keeps getting worse. I wish I could just go halfway back to the way I used to be. Where I could look at food and go, "Eh, whatever," instead of cramming it in my face. I don't think I can just do it halfway, though. I don't even know if I could do it all the way. I'm just really unhappy with my weight right now. I'm shocked at how much I weigh. It's more than when I was at the end of my pregnancy with Mercedes, and creeping up on my weight at the end of my pregnancy with Alex! I know that some of it has to do with my medication, but exercising a little self-control would probably set things right. I know it's hard for anyone else to understand, but I used to have this all under control, and I didn't feel like a pig, at least, not because of my eating habits. And I had a hard time putting weight ON, not taking it off. And now, if I don't eat something, I feel like I'm denying myself. When did that happen? When did eating stop being an annoyance? A chore?

the last trail...the next path