Wow, two entries in as many days. Interesting.

The bank card fiasco is far from over. I went to the bank to get the "Instant ATM" card that was promised to me over the phone. I spent 20 minutes getting through all the crap THAT entailed. Then (still maintaining my happy-go-lucky "it's an inconvenience but I'll be fine" attitude) I went to my neighborhood convenience store and tried to buy a pack of cigarettes and three bottles of soda for myself and the kids.
The lousy card was declined. And I finally started to feel angry. Not insulted, not hurt feelings, but PISSED THE FUCK OFF.
I went out to the payphone, because I forgot to take the cell phone with me, and called the 800 number for the bank. They told me that I'd have to go back to the branch that issued the card, to which I politely replied, "For Christ's sake! You've GOT to be fucking KIDDING me! Okay, thank you very much for your HELP. Happy Holidays."
Really. I actually said that.
It turns out that I can't use my card at stores. I have to use nasty, germ-infested, possibly anthrax-laced CASH. The girl at the bank couldn't have told me that , before I humiliated myself at the convenience store with my "Card Declined" alarm going off? Grrr!!! Oh, and instead of my $5000/day spending limit, I can take a whopping $69 a day out of ATM machines. I'm guessing that the extra $9 is to cover fees that non-bank ATMs charge.

Ode to My Card
Adapted by ME (thank you, Adam Sandler)

Piece of shit card
I got a piece of shit card
That fuckin' pile of shit
Never gets me very far

My card's a thin piece of shit
'Cause the plastic's fucking shot
And the ATM's fucking broken
Nothing with it have I bought
(It's a piece of shit)

I can't go through the drive-thru
'Cause the fucking bank's on crack
It's gonna be at least two weeks
'Til I get my real card back
(It's a piece of shit)

(Piece of shit card)
Piece of shit card
(She's got a piece of shit card)
It sucks royal dick
(That fuckin' pile of shit)
100% crap
(Never gets him very far)
Oh fuck you card

I can't buy a CD player, I can't even buy gas
Whoever designed my card can lick the sweaty crack of my ass
(They can bite her ass too)
And I get no fuckin' breaks
I can't shop like I'm out of control
Eleven times a day I hear "Hey, save it asshole"
(You fuckin' piece of shit)

(Piece of shit card)
I got piece of shit card
(He got a piece of shit card)
Freaking cash sucks my ass
(That fuckin' pile of shit)
That pile of plastic shit
(Never gets her very far)

Oh what the fuck did I do
What the fuck did I do
What the fuck did I do
To get stuck with you
You're too basic for eBay
I can't buy nothin' online
I'm so stuck with this bank, I can't try someplace new
Oh fuck me

Well the line behind me snickers
"Pathetic check card users"
I turn around and glare at them
"Fuck off, you damned losers!"
(Ouch, ouch, ouch)
Plus my PIN is useless
I got a fucking random code
(What a pain in her ass)
I know I'm gonna fucking forget it
What a lousy financial road
(She never ever gets da money)
Hey shut up
(Piece of shit card)
You piece of shit card

(You got a piece of shit card)
You piece of shit card
(Piece of shit card)
Can't read the numbers
(You got a piece of shit card)
No Visa fucking logo
(Piece of shit card)
No pretty gold color
(You got a piece of shit card)
Fucking rag of plastic
(Piece of shit card)
Magnetic stripe's a waste of space
(You got a piece of shit card)
(Piece of shit card)
(You got a piece of shit card)
(Piece of shit card)
Oh the whole town thinks I'm a loser
(You got a piece of shit card)
Cashier, gimme my change

the last trail...the next path