Something like a to-do list
2005-09-18...7:15 p.m.

Every fiber of my being is screaming, and sometimes, it makes my face leak. I want to call Christine and tell her a million reasons why she shouldn't go to South Carolina. But all of the reasons just come down to one thing: my selfishness. I want to call her mother and appeal to her not to go and take MY Christine away.

What I'm trying to grasp onto is that 1) She's not dying, she's just moving clear across the country, and 2) She's not moving away from me, she's moving TOWARDS what might be a better life for her and Paul. And that's really important. I just have to keep telling myself those things until I believe them.

Work is really helping. I've been able to manage to pull myself together when I have to deal with patients. Funny how I said I didn't want to cry. I really didn't. I look like I've been sitting in a room filled with pot smoke, though. Heh. Bet that gets the patients a little nervous!

I hope she knows that I'm standing behind her, though. I want her to know that no matter what, I'll still love her, and I know that she's not moving to hurt me. I also want her to know that even if I'm crying, I still want to spend time with her. And even if I start burying myself in work and housekeeping, it's not that I'm mad at her or trying to avoid her. She may need to grab me by the hair and say, "Don't squander our time!" so that I remember to put down the sponge or stop weeding the yard or stop dusting all of the kitties in the kitchen.

(Psst...Christine...did you see the .html name of this page? It made me laugh! Woohoo!)

the last trail...the next path