The weather is cold, wet, and sloppy. Which is the perfect backdrop for writing an entry to drudge up my own past, inspiration courtesy of mom-on-roof.

A long, long time ago, there was a mousy little girl who went, ironically, by the nickname of Maus. Because some upperclassman girl had already taken the nickname Mouse, and it was more unique anyway.

Maus had just been dumped by the son of a Jacuzzi-owning doctor. His best friend drove her home after school, and proceeded to seduce her. The poor, stupid, terrified of being lonely girl figured, "What the hell? Nobody cares about what I do anyway, as long as I'm here to raise my sisters."

They spent many months together, while he buried her deeper and deeper into dependence on him. Her mother gave custody of her two sisters to their father, and moved to another city. Her mother decided that allowing Maus to live with an elderly woman, a complete stranger to both of them, was acceptable.

As time went by, Maus became completely alienated from her family and friends, all but one, and even that was strictly monitored by her boyfriend. He decided everything for her, including her feelings. He chose her friends, her recreation, her food. He was careful to never allow her to feel like anything she said made sense, or was intelligent. He convinced her that a secondary education would be wasted on her. He smacked her upside the head when she let her mouth get away with her. She learned that the floor was a safe place to cast her gaze. The only safe place.

Her boyfriend encouraged things to go on like this. When he molested his own little sister, she told Maus. Maus confronted him with it, and allowed herself to be convinced that it would never happen again.

Maus became pregnant. She finally had something that SHE could control. She became obsessive about caring for her body, counting every calorie, monitoring every vitamin on every package of food, carefully and deliberately making up for every percentage of every missed vitamin. One day, she got dizzy and started having severe cramps. She went to a doctor, who told her that even if she COULD stop the miscarriage, she wouldn't.

Then Maus's father became fully aware of the situation. He forced her to move 800 miles away. Less than a month later, while speaking to her boyfriend on the phone, he confessed that he'd slept with a woman that he worked with. Maus suddenly realized that he couldn't reach her, not from 800 miles away. She promptly forgave him, and told him she didn't hate him for it. Then she broke up with him.

She spent the next couple of months jumping every time she saw a gold car rolling down the road. She dated a guy that barely seemed to realize she was there. Then she dated a guy that noticed her. Then she met his friend, Corey.

She spent a couple of weeks trying to learn about him, getting virtually nowhere. She hung out with his friends. Then she forced him to notice her.

He spent the next year or so killing Maus. He found Shannon hiding deep inside herself. He showed her that there was still a world, alive and kicking, higher than the floor. He took care of her without making her feel like she couldn't do it herself.

the last trail...the next path