We're officially back. Well, we've been back for 18 hours, actually, but who's counting?

The trip to California, given our typical 11-hour trip, was quick and painless. I got a room for Dad and a room for us at Motel 6 for two nights for less than it would have cost us to stay at a Best Western for one night. After one night on those miserable beds, in the miserably cheap motel room, I was almost wishing I wasn't too cheap to stay where the beds were soft, the bathroom came with a tub AND a shower, shampoo in the rooms, continental breakfast, 4 towels instead of just two, ironing boards available for the guests, wahwahwah. Oh, yeah, and we had to pay an extra $3/night for the microwave and fridge. But whatever. It was still seriously cheaper, and my back has returned to normal after one night in my own bed.

We called my aunt to let her know that we were staying in the town 15 miles from hers. Apparently, my cousin didn't relay the message that we were going to be there, so she was very excited. She told me that my uncle wasn't going to be there. I was very surprised and disappointed - he only lives 45 minutes away from us, and I never get to see him, and he's my favorite uncle. I'm very displeased at his reason for not coming:

My cousin Cori is Mormon. She graduated from BYU and everything. According to her faith, anyone who isn't Mormon isn't allowed in the Tabernacle, and that's where she was married. This includes her parents, a fact that Aunt Michelle wasn't overly thrilled about, but has known and been prepared for, and has accepted. Uncle Mike, however, got indignant. "Well, if I'm not good enough to go to her wedding, then I'm not good enough to go to the reception." Which, to me, is a load of horseshit. Marriage, as well as religion, is a very personal thing. She did what she could to include her family, and I think he needs to respect and appreciate that. Just my opinion, humble though it may not be.

My aunt and uncle were excellent hosts, their friends are great, and I wish I could have them for my own. Everything was great. Cori and her new hubby Bryan dressed up in their wedding attire for the reception, and she looked beautiful. Never once did I feel out of place like I always do when I'm with Corey's family. Aunt Michelle has grandchildren, so she had a place for the kids to play where they were out of the way but still supervisable. I got to see cousins that are all grown up that I haven't seen since before the youngest one was born - she's now 15. Corey even felt comfortable. He didn't leave the reception once to "calm down" or "breathe" like he does with his family.

My kids were FANTASTIC. They behaved themselves. Not one of them fell down the stairs. They played well with the other kids. Mercedes helped supervise the younger kids. My kids were the only ones that cleaned up the playroom, and without a fuss or a fight. They ROCKED. Only one toy got broken. Wanna guess who broke it? Come on, you know you wanna...

There was this little, green, gel-filled frog. If you squeeze it, the opposite side of where you squeeze bulges out. I found it laying at the bottom of the stairs, and decided to show it to Corey. "This is funny, Corey, look. If you squeeze it's butt, it looks like the throat is bulging out. But the kids like to squeeze it's head, like this, becau---" **SPLAT**
Hmmm...was that frog-guts shooting all over the wall and up Aunt Michelle's track for her stairwell lift? I think SO! And, gee, how convenient! Everybody and his brother is standing right there because the doorway to the piano room (where the bride and groom have just finished opening gifts) is parallel to where I'm standing. Thank GOD the frog-guts went the opposite way of the people. I almost died as it was, between laughing and blushing and coughing (read: choking to death) because I'm still not over this crud. My Aunt Teena walked by on her way out the door to go home with her 4-year-old granddaugher Tiffany, who said, "Goodbye, FROG KILLER."

My Aunt Michelle promptly informed me that the frog was one of her grandkids' favorite toy, while Aunt Michelle's best friend thanked me because she'd always hated that frog, she thought it was creepy and gross. I felt a little bad, but it was pretty goddamn funny. See how cruel I am?

We stayed the second night in the motel room. The bed was much more comfortable after a long day of family and frog-homicide.

The next day, we went to Aunt Michelle's because she invited us for lunch. They bought WAY more food than they needed, so they held a little luncheon so it wouldn't go to waste. I found out that Aunt Michelle's best friend Christine had just had her tubes tied last week, and she was the one who did all the food-setup. The three of us stood around in the piano room showing off our battle scars. Christine's hubby, Glenn, walked in on that. It was pretty funny - he got all grossed out.

It was kind of a bummer when we had to leave. We all had such a great time.

The trip home was...well...WET. We hit rain between Barstow and Ludlow, and I only saw a pause in the rain this morning, after we'd already been home for 12 hours. It was actually kind of scary. Corey reduced his speed to 10 mph below the speed limit, which NEVER happens. It was raining hard.

This morning, I got up and Corey took me back to the doctor because my cough was still really bad. He dropped me off, then took my dad to a dentist. One of his teeth was hurting so bad that he was willing to pay to have it pulled. Corey came and got me after dropping him off. We went and picked up my FOUR new prescriptions.

Now I KNOW I'm getting old. When I was a kid, I'd take an antibiotic and cough medicine, and it would cure whatever ailed me. Now it takes FOUR drugs just to make it so I can think about and do things without leaving a lung on the linoleum.

So anyhow, I'm now taking an antibiotic, a steroid, an inhaler, AND a pill for the cough.

And I'm missing my Christine. I'm having that problem with her phone again. I call, and it rings once, then all I hear is static, then I get a busy signal. Grrr.

the last trail...the next path