Original Diary Archive
2004-03-29...10:40 p.m.
2004-03-11 14:52:50 (GMT)
Grrr...
The day before yesterday, he comes in asking if he has any
clean shirts. Well, how the hell should I know? He KNOWS
I haven't done laundry - because I don't have a dryer OR a
clothesline anymore, so it's not like I can keep up with
it constantly. So that made me bitchy, because he hasn't
made any effort whatsoever about either getting me a new
dryer or fixing my clothesline. Then I go in there to put
laundry away this morning because I DID do laundry
yesterday, and guess what?? He has a whole frigging
drawerful of shirts! He doesn't even bother looking
before he starts whining!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
2004-03-12 06:08:51 (GMT)
Yay!
I finally get to meet my online buddy IRL. I can't wait!
I didn't think hubby would let me without a bunch of
grief. We're going to see his folks, and they only live
an hour away from her. She's willing to drive up there to
see us. So I asked him today if he would be cool with
meeting her while we're there, and he was totally cool
with it!!! I couldn't believe it! I'm just
dying to see
her, and I can't wait to give her our first real life hug!
Isis, darlin', I'm on my way! See you on Sunday the
21st!
2004-03-12 06:12:05 (GMT)
Not so big of a yay....
I sent hubby and my dad out for the night. It's wet t-
shirt night at one of the bars here. For the most part,
I'm fine with it. Until I think about the fact that hubby
says his favorite part of the female body is the breast.
Is he going to be disappointed with mine when he comes
home? I don't think so. But I worry. I just want to
please him. Blah. Sounding pathetic again. Boring
boring boring.
2004-03-13 16:13:08 (GMT)
All girly and stuff
I never thought I'd be one of those people who has to
choose her clothes hours before going out. I feel so
silly. But I want to fit in well with the crowd at
hubby's company party, and I want to look good. I've got
a brand-new, self-styled body to show off, and I want to
flaunt it with class. It's not a formal dinner, but I
don't want to go TOO casual. A lot of the people who will
be there haven't seen me since last year's dinner, so my
hair (which used to reach my butt and now is 5 inches long
from my scalp at best) will be a big surprise. I hope we
get a cool prize this year. Last year we got the ShopVac,
the year before we got the stereo. This year I want a
digital camera and printer LOL. Maybe a computer. After
all, Corey has been working there for almost 4 years now,
and he's qualified for the Perfect Attendance EVERY YEAR
since he started. Not many employees of a fiberglass
factory can say that. They OWE him. They owe ME! I
really think that part of what keeps him able to go to
work every damn day that he's supposed to, plus some
overtime days, has a lot to do with a wife at home that
takes care of him. I know he's got a great work ethic,
but I'm a lot more supportive than I was at any of his
other jobs. In all this time, the only time he's EVER
called in sick was from a hospital bed. I take care of
all of his needs, from sex to food. The last time
pneumonia threatened him, I got him some vacation time so
that it didn't count against his perfect attendance. If I
only have to do that every 2 or 3 years, I can live with
that. I think they'd get annoyed if I did it every year.
LOL
So I'm stuck between either my white polo shirt with a
cream colored sweater and olive green pants, and the white
polo shirt with a pink floral skirt. If I wear the skirt,
I'll probably have to wear pantyhose and/or a slip. It
doesn't really matter, either way I'll be wearing layers.
Which will be nice. After the party, we're going to meet
some friends at the bar down the road from my house. I
plan to get a little schnockered, and we'll be walking
home. Maybe I should wear the pants so I can wear
comfortable walking shoes. I was thinking about taking
the van, but since we're going to walk home from the bar,
I think maybe we should take the car - there's much less
reason for vandals and thieves to mess with the car. It's
a cheapo piece of shit anyway, so who would steal it? And
it just has a factory stereo, which is on it's way out of
this world anyhow, so it would be a waste. Then again, it
would be nicer to show up in the van. It's a good looking
vehicle, and if I'm going to dress to impress, I may as
well go all the way. I'll let Corey figure it out. We'll
probably take the van.
2004-03-16 15:49:54 (GMT)
Humans are disgusting
A woman in California refuses a C-section and lets one of
her alcohol and cocaine addicted infants die...BECAUSE SHE
DOESN'T WANT A SCAR!!! What a goddamn idiot! Of
course,
if you allow yourself to think about it long enough, it's
kind of a blessing. Granted, it would be better if she
hadn't gotten knocked up in the first place. God knows
there are more deserving people in the world who are
desperate for children, who would treat their pregnant
bodies like temples if only they could get pregnant. But
at least that's one less child who is going to suffer at
least the first couple years of his life while he recovers
from his mother's poisons, and god only knows how it will
affect his adult life. I hope someone cuts her throat and
she drowns in her own blood. What a fucking disgusting,
infesting cunt.
2004-03-17 13:02:47 (GMT)
Yes, I AM fickle, what's your point?
This weekend he asked me if he could spend St. Patty's Day
with his friend. "Sure," I said, thinking of how much
easier it would be to get everything done for our
impending trip north if he was out of my hair. I'm just
annoyed that he hasn't offered to do anything, except give
me the option of putting everything off til the last
minute. Gee, thanks. No, that's fine, go off and play
with your little friend, I can handle everything on my
own. I just need a good night's sleep.
HA!
3:30 a.m. rolls around, and he's stumbling around the
bedroom for half an hour. Last night he claimed that he
was getting things ready for this morning. Well, he
MISSED. Obviously. I could have handled a little
stumbling around while he got dressed, but he made such a
racket getting everything he wanted to take with him. I
couldn't get back to sleep. So at 4:15 I got up and went
into the living room. "Gee, sorry, I didn't mean to wake
you up." At least he didn't ask me to make him a lunch
since I was already up. I would have turned him into
Roast Beast sandwiches. Bah.
2004-03-19 14:07:29 (GMT)
*whimper whimper*
For some reason (maybe it's my monobrow) I felt compelled
to wax my face. So now I'm sitting here with wax on my
eyebrows and upper lip, being irritated at the foreign
crap on my face, yet dreading pulling it off. Sometimes I
can be a real dork. LOL
2004-03-19 15:51:58 (GMT)
Sometimes, Tracy Chapman hits it right on the head
At This Point in My Life
At this point in my life
I've done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do
right
If you put your trust in me I hope I won't let you down
If you give me a chance I'll try
You see it's been a hard road this road I'm traveling on
And if I take your hand I might lead you down the path to
ruin
I've had a hard life I'm just saying it so you'll
understand
That right now, right now, I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life
At this point in my life
Although I've mostly walked in the shadows
I'm still searching for the light
Won't you put your faith in me
We both know that's what matters
If you give me a chance I'll try
You see I've been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down
I've been reaching high always losing ground
You see I've been reaching high but always losing ground
You see I've conquered hills but I still have mountains to
climb
And right now right now I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life
Before we take a step
Before we walk down that path
Before I make any promises
Before you have regrets
Before we talk commitment
Let me tell you of my past
All I've seen and all I've done
The things I'd like to forget
At this point in my life
At this point in my life
I'd like to live as if only love mattered
As if redemption was in sight
As if the search to live honestly
Is all that anyone needs
No matter if you find it
You see when I've touched the sky
The earth's gravity has pulled me down
But now I've reconciled that in this world
Birds and angels get the wings to fly
If you can believe in this heart of mine
If you can give it a try
Then I'll reach inside and find and give you
All the sweetness that I have
At this point in my life
At this point in my life
2004-03-26 08:06:58 (GMT)
:'-(
i feel crappy. i feel lonely. corey was disappointed in
me for not doing the dishes today. he was upset because i
didn't do them for the three days before our trip too.
but i did. it's not my fault that everyone eats no matter
whether i clean the kitchen or not.he took my dad out for
his birthday. he's avoiding me. i went and took a shower
when they got back. i thought he would be up for a few
because he always spends so much time on the toilet when
i'm waiting for him in bed. no so this time. instead of
waiting for me to fall asleep before he crawled into bed,
he decided to go to sleep himself. must be a world
record. i wasted my time and effort making a steak
dinner. nobody ate it. it's still sitting in the pan on
the stove. i guess i'm a lousy cook as well as a crappy
housekeeper. he's going to hate my flowers. i spent so
much time putting them out there, and he's going to hate
them. he hates my hair. he says he just doesn't
understand why i would dye it, but it's really no
different from him shaving his head. just something to
give me a change. he always says he misses me when i come
to bed late. it's warm tonight, and he doesn't seem to
miss me. maybe he just needs a bed-warmer. i can give
him an extra blanket. and a teddy bear. and his rice
buddy. i could warm it up and put it in bed before him.
then all reason for me to be in bed with him would be
gone. he could sleep in peace without this fat ugly bitch
laying beside him and groping him. that would be nice for
him. maybe i'll do that for him. maybe that would make
him happy.
2004-03-28 22:01:45 (GMT)
OUCH!
Last night, we went out for karaoke and some billiards. I
had a lot of fun, and I may have made a new friend. Her
name is Vannie, and we've "known" each other for years,
but never really known each other. When I saw her last
night, I went over to say hello. She asked if she could
sit with us, and I told her she was more than welcome.
Well, she sat down, and she said pretty much what just
did, and then she added, "but you know, you seem like the
kind of person that I could become really close friends
with." Awwwwwwwwwwwwww! I almost cried. At first, I
thought she was talking through alcohol, but then I
remembered that she's pregnant, and she wasn't drinking.
Just a huge glass of iced tea. Anyway, I've always liked
her. She's always really sweet to me, and she's great
company. She lives kind of in the same area as us (she
has to drive by our house to get home every day), and she
offered us a ride home since Corey and I had BOTH been
drinking. We declined since we just live a few blocks
away (which is the only reason I drank - it's a short
walk). But we did stick around after closing time at the
bar. She keeps a bunch of toys in her truck (for just
such an occasion, maybe? LOL) including a hackey sack, a
frisbee, and a football. Corey hurt himself playing
hackey sack. He's now laying on the couch with his left
leg in a brace, stuffing himself with ice cream. He got a
prescription for Aleve 500mg and Vicodan. Weee. He's
stubborn, and won't listen to me (big shocker, there). He
seems to think that he's going to be able to take the
brace off and get around just fine at work. If he can,
then I'm going to kick him for going to the ER. Right in
his left knee. He makes a big production of everything,
he won't take any of my suggestions. It's enough to make
me homicidal, and I can't handle the kids very well right
now because of the stress. Fortunately, Alex is sleeping,
and Mercedes has decided to play outside in the front
yard, so we may be able to avoid munchkin stew tonight.
ACK!
2004-03-30 05:05:43 (GMT)
Another hormone attack
I'm getting a little fed up with the times when my brain
seems steeped in hormones - I have no patience for anyone
(not even my poor incapacitated husband), I can't stand to
be around my dad, my kids, or my self. This sucks. Every
time I turn around I'm feeling angry, and hot, and just
plain miserable and nasty. I just want to scream while I
look around at the various messes around my house. I want
to take everything in the house and throw it in the
garbage. I don't want to cook - I swear I'm melting in
here, even though the thermostat only says 78 degrees. I
can't seem to finish anything - my dishwasher is standing
open with a handful of clean silverware sitting in it, and
the dirty dishes all stacked fairly neatly above it. I
have a load of pans in the sink, soaking in hot
dishwater. They aren't even that dirty, no need for them
to soak. I have a stomach ache, and I've been to the
toilet 3 times in the space of two and half hours - not
common for me, especially since I'm not talking about
urinating here. nearly half of my cabinets are standing
open too. I think getting it out is helping though. I'm
starting to cool down. Which is good because I really
need to come up with something for Corey to take to work
for lunch. I'm thinking about tuna casserole - fairly
quick and easy, but still home made. I need to clean out
that stupid fridge. It's disgusting, and I think things
in there are starting to take on lives of their own.
Maybe I'll take care of it before they start a mutiny. Or
maybe not.
the last trail...the next path
