I really don't know how I can be made to feel better. I'm really not sure how I could have made it any clearer without shouting, "HEY, I'VE BEEN WANTING YOU SINCE I GOT HOME FROM WORK!!! I'VE SLEPT!!! I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, SO I GOT OUT OF BED AFTER 5.5 HOURS OF SLEEP WHEN YOU WENT TO TAKE YOUR SHOWER!!! I GOT IN THE SHOWER AND THOSE KISSES MEAN THAT I WANT TO BE INTIMATE WITH YOU!!! DO YOU SEE HOW I'M NOT GOING THROUGH THE PROCESS OF SHOWERING? THAT'S BECAUSE I'M IN HERE FOR YOU, NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO GET CLEAN!!! SO LET'S GET IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And so now I feel depressed. I was kissing him tenderly, and he turned his head away and gave me a "Let's just be friends" hug. I touched him, and he smiled at me with that "I don't have time for you but I don't want to be mean" smile. And he left me standing alone in the shower. Then when he realizes that I'm upset, he swears at me, makes me feel like it's my fault because I wasn't CLEAR with my intentions. It really doesn't help with the self-esteem thing when he says that he didn't know that's what I wanted. I guess I'm not sensual or sexy enough to catch his attention. And it makes me wonder if I shouldn't just move out with Dianne. Together we could afford that nice house with the 5-stall barn. And I wouldn't have to feel like I was being kicked to the curb on a daily basis. How stupid is that? Him not desiring me makes me feel like quitting?
To top it all off, I have a stupid meeting today, so I can't even just go hang out with my beautiful mare right now, which is all I really want to do.

the last trail...the next path