I guess I just want to bitch. I'm sick of not being ANYWHERE on my best friend's priority list. I may have hurt her feelings this morning when I told her about my resentment towards her "family" - her husband, roommate, and roommate's daughter. But what can I say? I understand that she has obligations. Don't we all? But she lets them stand in the way of doing EVERYTHING. She couldn't even stay in Mexico long enough for her gums to heal after having her teeth pulled because she couldn't trust them alone at the house. She's not afraid that the roommie is going to sleep with her hubby. If that was the case, I would be a lot more understanding. No, she's afraid that the roommie can't take care of herself and her daughter, and that her hubby can't take care of himself, and that the house will just burn down if she isn't in it.

I'm so sick of standing by and watching. I just want to tell them all that they're being stupid, and that they need to fucking grow up already. Her husband is a moron. He left a good-paying job for a job he didn't know anything about, couldn't hack it at the new job, and then went to work with the roommie doing fast-food for minimum wage. So they now depend on the roommie to help them get the bills paid. And that's the stuff that doesn't really affect me. Anytime she wants to go somewhere, he acts all butt-hurt that he wasn't invited, yet when he is, he just mopes. He basically makes her feel like shit for wanting to do the things she enjoys. Yet she's supposed to go and do whatever he wants with a spring in her step and a smile on her face.

The roommie is a whiny, mopey, self-destructive, useless bitch. There, I've said it. I don't like her. I never really have. I hated her stupid "faking it" episodes - pretending she had a migraine, pretending she'd fainted, pretending that she nearly fucking drowned. She can't take care of herself, let alone anyone else. I get sick of hearing how she talks about wishing she was dead. I get sick of trying to include her and her just sitting around like a fucking lump. What a goddamn drag.

The daughter can't really help any of what's going on, but I do tend to resent the fact that her mother never manages to get anyone else to watch her EVER. So it's always my best friend, and I can't get a goddamn minute alone with her.

Then there's my friend herself. I'm sick of hearing how she's too fat, or she looks stupid, or she has nothing to wear, or she can't put her teeth in because they hurt, or she just isn't up for it, or she doesn't have transportation. What the fuck am I? A fucking doormat? Because that's what I feel like. I want to go out with her and just do something. Karaoke. Gambling. Movies. But every time I try, I get shut down. I'm so sick of it. I want to be somewhere besides in her house with her. Because there's nothing to do there except bitch about things that she won't change.

I don't think I'm a high-maintenance friend. But I don't get ANY maintenance. She doesn't call me. She rarely even IMs me when she comes on. She doesn't come over. She doesn't want to do ANYthing. I'm so burnt out. Why don't I ever mean as much to my friends as they do to me?

the last trail...the next path