2012-08-15...8:40 p.m.

Today was a rough day. It started entirely too early after entirely too little sleep. I left work early to make an appointment that turned out to be for tomorrow (in my defense, it was the office that made the mistake of saying "come in tomorrow" yesterday, instead of saying "come in Thursday"). Got back to work, which was hectic - I was covering a shift for a position that I know little about these days, but it made the time pass, anyway. While I was busy, I got a call from my town's ONE LOCAL PSYCHOLOGIST, and he had to leave a message telling me that he isn't specialized enough to diagnose AS. So I called a couple of offices in town trying to see if I can find someone, ANYONE, who can help my son.
Sure. If I can pay cash or get on state Medicaid.
Why is it that only people who can afford to pay someone $80/hour or nothing at all qualify for mental health benefits in this town?!?
I'm so angry and frustrated. This was topped off with the cousin posting on Facebook a message that was clearly meant to make me feel like something that needs to be scraped off of someone's shoe. It would have worked, if it hadn't made me so mad. I went home and cried and vented to Corey.
Why has it taken so long for me to really appreciate how much he is to me? Is it because, other than the kids, I finally realize he's all I really have? On this Earth, anyway. I know I have God and Jesus, and I'm so grateful to belong to that heavenly family. My life has been so full of noise lately, though, that I can't even hear myself think long enough to pray. It's like I have static in my head.
I don't know if I can handle the assignment the therapist gave me. It feels like I never have enough time for all of the garbage to get out. Hmm. Write about all of the times I haven't felt like I was good enough...well, I have a glass of wine with my name on it, maybe that can help me get started.

the last trail...the next path

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